That Darned Barney

I spent most of yesterday sitting with my mother -- she has multiple sclerosis and is bed-ridden; she has very little control of her legs, and practically no strength in her upper body.

I found myself losing patience yesterday with how switched she is; she began to cry at one point because Barney had "run his stupid old mouth" and caused some trouble by it on The Andy Griffith Show. "I hate Barney," she explained through her tears. I snapped at her that she needed to check herself: crying COULD kill her -- she can't feel one side of her mouth, and when she cries, she generates fluids that leak into her lungs; she could literally drown herself in her own tears. When she does succeed in coughing up the leakage and clearing her lungs out, the fluids then move up into her sinus areas, causing nose polyps -- she has one so large that it pretty much effectively blocks her breathing through her right nostril.
The MS throws her into such depression -- she seems to crave the chaotic emotionality of depression; like feeling depression is the only feeling she can truly experience anymore.

Even when we were sitting getting ready to play bingo the other night -- her favorite activity -- she began crying about something that happened to her twenty years ago. We pointed out to her that she ought to be appreciative of the present: she'd just eaten chicken, her favorite meal, and we were out in the world getting ready to play bingo. But rather than see the positives in what was happening, she chose to see the negatives of the past; and not only see the negatives of the past, but obsess on those negatives so strongly that she gave in to the life-threatening behavior of crying about them.

So today I want to deal with how I deal with her. I don't want to lose patience with her, as my testing reveals that it is the MS that has taken over her body that is causing these depressions. Today I want to develop a positive method for turning her back towards immunics rather than sinking into these other places.
Her memory is very bad for some things; excellent for others. She has very deeply imprinted the hurts that she has experienced, as she generates so much adrenaline as she "feels the hurt" so deeply. On the other hand, she does not "remember" very much about doing immunics from one day or hour to the next; she consistently slips into prayer rather than yogic action.

I have made her a "cheat sheet" with the phrases on it that have been the most successful for her accessing; she misplaces the sheet constantly (she has a two-pocket storage container on her bed that she keeps things in).

We worked yesterday on getting her to the calm clear place several times, especially after she'd begun crying over Barney... She continues to imagine that we are at a local state park (an experience from the past that she enjoyed) when she attempts to access the calm clear place. I continue to point out to her that she can *visualize* Morrow Mountain if she wants to, but she needs to understand that the calm clear place is NOT Morrow Mountain!

Her accessing is unreliable, so I encourage her to continue removing and installing in the face of unreliable testing.

Today, I will make her a sheet of reminders about the calm clear place. I will attach it to her drink cup holder or kleenex box, both of which she always has near her. But what about proactions, installations, removals, and knowings that I can do for myself in dealing with her?

Well, of course, as always, Keely just came through for me. Checking her emails, I see a link to a gravitational strengthening prayer -- this is the answer for myself. Then as I clicked on the links off of that page, I found the Continuous Cleansing prayer page to be exactly what mom needs right now! To the printer!

Peace out for now! Oh, and go check out Gina's new fantastically positive Gina's Immunics Journal RIGHT NOW!!!